Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I Don't Have Time To Pray!

*JMJ* Sometimes my life goes haywire. I don't feel right inside. I feel like I'm being pulled in 1,000,000.00 different directions. I'm a housewife. I feel overwhelmed. I think how in the h*ll I'm I going to do all of this! How I'm I going to pull this off! How I'm I going to get this done! I have a full plate! And no one can take this full plate from me. It's mine. I start to panic. My life has become like a whirlwind. My life starts to snowball. I become so unfocused. I'm just trudging water to get the priorities done for the day. But I still don't feel right inside. But deep down I know what the problem is. I've been trying to get through all of these days on my own without God. I think, "Oh Gees, I don't have time to pray! I'm just to darn busy!" But deep down inside I know what the problem is. And it's a BIG problem!! I've pulled myself away from Christ in thinking that I can handle even my daily life without Him again. A quote from the bible comes to mind, but I don't know the exact quote on hand at the moment. It says something like, "Place your burden's on me and I will give you strength.". This especially comes to mind when I'm sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament at the adoration chapel. There have been many days when I go there that I can't even pray. I just say, "Here I am Lord. You called me to come and here I am." This miserable person that I am, I can't even muster a few words in prayer. I feel so tired. I feel so drained. But I give it all to my Lord Jesus Christ. My burdens and all my sorrows that I hold in the depths of my heart in front of the Blessed Sacrament. But most importantly Jesus is asking me to pray. He is asking me to draw myself to Him. To find strength in Him. To find comfort in Him. That He is the ONLY one who can bring focus to my life. But most importantly, He is the ONLY one who can give me peace for my soul, no matter how busy my life is. He lets me know in the depth of my heart that I am nothing without him. He reminds me that I need him. Even in my little ole daily life that is filled with so much stuff that I can't do it without him. He lets me know that if I tried to do it without him, that all my heavy labors would mean nothing to him. That even my heavy heart wouldn't mean anything if I don't offer it to him. (That is where I know that the Lord sees the truth.) I can't even hide my heavy sorrowful heart from Jesus, even if I wanted to. He won't let me! And he doesn't want me to. So here I go again. I'm reading my bible daily. I'm saying my rosary. I'm saying my St. Bridget prayer. I'm saying my personal prayers. I've always went to mass though. God never let me miss mass. When I arrive at church, I always say, "Thank you Jesus for bringing me here to mass." I do the same thing when I go before the Blessed Sacrament. I do believe it's the Holy Spirit moving me toward Mass and the Adoration Chapel. Because I'm so darn lazy, I can't see myself bringing myself to it week after week. But there is one word that stands out to me and that is PERSEVERANCE! I read it in the bible all the time. When I do pray, my life is completely transformed. It's like night and day! I don't know how and I don't understand it. But I will be going along with my daily chores. Or I will think, "How in the heck I'm I going to get all of this done today?" Then it will be noon. My prayers were said that morning. My chores some how, some way got finished earlier that I thought they would be done. I even find myself enjoying a cup of hot tea at noon. I'll just bow my head and say, "Thank you Jesus!!!! I don't know how all that stuff got done, but it got done." I don't remember where I read it before but it said something like, when you pray first, even if you don't think you have the time, you will come to find out that everything that needs to be done will get done. And I have found that out. I don't know how that is. It mystifies me. I can't make any sense out of it. But when I pray first, my day goes by more smoothly and some how, some way, all the important stuff gets done early in the day! That feeling of trudging water on a daily basis goes away. I don't understand it. Because if I do the same things the next day without saying my prayers, well lets just say it would end up being a horrible day. But when I do pray, I find that I have time to sit for a little while at mid day with a cup of hot tea in silence. And of course thanking the Lord. God Bless You! Please say your daily prayers! And you to will feel the peace of the Lord!

1 comment:

Laura said...

Such a lovely post, Anne. Your thoughts about praying daily and remembering that we all need Jesus every moment were well taken. God bless you!