Sunday, December 21, 2008

Lighting of The Advent Wreath

*JMJ* Well as I mentioned in a previous post, my family was invited to light the fourth candle for the fourth Sunday of Advent at my parish this morning. As honored as I felt for the parish to think of my family for lighting the candle, that was a little uncomfortable for me. I was definitely out of my element and comfort zone. Yikes! There goes my new found confidence that I had mentioned in my previous post. It went straight out the window. I'm so shy. So it was really hard for me. My family walked up the center of the isle along with the procession. First the crucifix, then us, then the priest with the other two deacons followed. I was just so nervous. Then we had to be seated in the front pew where it was reserved for my family. Then the priest announced my family's name and invited us up to light the candles. I was grabbing onto that long match as hard as I could without it breaking so that no one would see my hand shaking. Then when we sat down I was so upset for the rest of the mass because when I looked over at the candles, I think one of the candles weren't lit. Oh well, I thought. To late to worry about it now. It was really uncomfortable to sit in the front pew to. I like to blend in with the crowd. I just felt so uptight throughout the whole mass. I can talk the talk, but can I walk the walk, lol. I have to also learn to loosen up and learn not to take things so seriously. I need to laugh at myself. Even while I'm at church to some extent. I mean you still have to act a certain way when your in the house of God. But I think you know what I'm trying to say. I shouldn't be so hard on myself when it comes to church. Don't get me wrong, I'm also not talking about not following the Catholic rules. I'd always try my best to obey them. But I mean to lighten up in the way that I don't have to be so perfect in church. I don't want to become...shall I say...stuffy. That candle not being lit really bothered me through out the whole mass and I had a hard time focusing on the mass but tried my best. As we left, I thanked the priest for the invitation of lighting the advent candles. As honored as I felt, I will be glad to sit amongst the other parishioners somewhere in the parish on Christmas, where I can just blend in with the others. That was really hard. I was really kind of surprised that I had such a difficult time doing that. It's just God Himself showing me, I still need to grow. Enjoy the Lord's day.


Aaydens Mommy said...

I think it is just so neat that you guys got to do that! I'm sorry it sort of messed up the rest of the mass for you. Just think, at least you did something like that, that not many other people get a chance to do.

Charli and me said...

I get nervous like that sometimes too. Then I always remember what a doc on rounds told me once. "No pain, no gain" He meant that in everything we do. It's always easier the second time around. Just remember this... It was God who picked your family to light the candle and I know he is very proud of you.

Anne said...

Thank you both for your meant a lot to me, thank you.